The moment I heard Juan talking, I instantly started thinking, “I couldn’t even kill the guy with the big nose during the ambush, and I had just seen the rampaged village before that. If I didn’t have the guts to do it after those intense moments of hatred, how the hell will I get the guts to do it now?” The next thought bubble to pop in my head was, “I have barely even begun my proper training, and I still am one of the worst recruits on the army. Knowing all that they must be idiots to send me into a war I am half trained for and only barely mentally prepared. I’ll probably be killed by my own general for the horrible job I will do.” In the end though I had no choice and I knew it. I might have not even been better than those two-day old recruits who just got issued their rifles. But the only thing I could and should do was to go on with it. So I went along. I was a terrified, unprepared, and nervous about shooting, but this war was going to go on whether I was ready or not, so I might as well try while I wait. I had to go and do the one thing I have feared all my life. Kill. Although I might not do anything useful or helpful to the team, I am still part of it and therefore must try to do my part.
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